Grieving

Last weekend I got a call saying that my grandma was in the hospital and that she was very very ill. I'd known the moment was coming, although it happened sooner than I expected. She was diagnosed with a heart condition several years ago but decided not to have the surgery that would fix it. At 85, there was a chance that she wouldn't survive the surgery, but the doctor gave her a 95% chance of survival, which was extraordinarily high for someone of any age. I'm sure there were a lot of reasons why she chose not to, although I think that it was mostly because she was lonely. My grandpa died 12 years ago, and it was very very hard on her. What made me the most sad was that she refused to discuss it with the family, or be upfront about it.

She had a little over a year of good health, but we all started to notice some problems in the last few months. Labor Day weekend she looked tired and her circulation was bad. But she had been quite active until last Saturday. My parents took her into the hospital at 9pm on Saturday night because she was short of breath, and she died just before 3am Sunday morning. I wasn't able to get to the hospital until after she was dead, but I had a chance to say goodbye, and to mourn with my family. We stayed with her until one of my aunts could get there at 6am, and then spent the night at my parents' house.

The week has been a blur, fitting in work and normal things around the house. The visitation at the funeral home was Thursday evening, and the funeral was Friday morning. They were both very nice. It was one of the happiest visitations I've ever seen. Not that she was dead, but that had lived a long life, that she had died with family there and without suffering. Everyone reminisced and enjoyed being together. It was full of people talking and hugging and even laughing. And as several people there said "she would have loved it." She would have been right in the middle of it, meeting new people and happy to see the people she knew. And

The funeral was officiated by the current priest at her church, and a former priest that she was very close to. It was in a small church, packed full of people who cared about her. The weather was gorgeous for the burial, and at her request there were balloons released by the little kids in the family, and bubbles blown. It was a nice way to say goodbye. There was also a dinner at her house later, and although it was strange to be at her house without her there, it was also a nice way to remember her.