Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Anger

Maybe I'm just too optimistic, or naive, but I truthfully thought that things would go well after the funeral. It's a very long complicated backstory, and one that I don't completely understand, but there has been a huge dramatic argument going on in the family for years. Despite the fact that to everyone outside the family my grandma seemed to be an amazing woman who was nearly a saint, she had her flaws too. And unfortunately, there were some pretty serious ones. She truly believed that her children and grandchildren should go along with whatever she wanted, without any argument. That isn't feasible, and it isn't fair, but it was what she expected. And it got much worse after my Papa (my grandfather) died. She expected her 4 children to do what she wanted, without question, and often without her ever asking for it. She expected them to read her mind. If you know me, then you know I'm not comfortable with people being passive-aggressive, and that I won't blindly do what someone wants me to, if I disagree I speak up about it when I can. My mom, her older sister and my two eldest cousins are that way too.

My other aunt and uncle, and their spouses and children were more willing to go along with what my grandma wanted, and so she loved them more. I know what you'll say, that of course she loved us too, and that she wouldn't have loved her children and grandchildren unequally. And yes, she did love us, but she didn't treat us the same way. And if you love people, you don't treat them badly, or at least you shouldn't. Until she died I wasn't really sure how she felt about me. I wasn't part of most of this, I was away at school, and dealing with everything going on in my own life. But mom lived close and she had to bear the brunt of it. Not only did my grandma hurt my mom very deeply, but she and my eldest aunt were taken off of the will as being executors of her estate in favor of my other aunt and uncle. Which brings me to the biggest part of the drama that we had to deal with this weekend. My grandma had written a notebook with a page for each member of the family, listing which of her possessions should be left to them.

None of them were particularly valuable items. Mostly sentimental. We were all included in the notebook, and there were wonderful and special things for all of us. Apparently she also made a second notebook more recently. There were some major differences between the two. In fact, in the second I was left out. There was a page with my name on it, but it was otherwise blank. It took me a minute to realize what that meant. My brain couldn't wrap itself around the idea that my grandma had intentionally slighted me. I knew she and my mom had problems, but she had always been very sweet to me. I didn't know that while she told me she loved me, she also somehow thought I wasn't worth leaving anything to. I don't care about the monetary value of any of it. I just wanted something small to remember her by. And to know that she cared that I remembered her.

The evening just got worse from then on. Instead of giving it all some time, and talking to each other about what grandma had left them, my aunt and uncle and their children proceeded to ransack the house. Not only did they immediately take the things that my grandma left them they took other things. They didn't ask the rest of us if we wanted anything they were taking. And we sat there in shock. It was looting, pure and simple. Maybe a little more polite, because they didn't break things and trash the house. But they rooted around in her things, took what they wanted, and left. It was one of the most heartbreakingly sad things I've ever seen. I sat there and watched our family split in two, and I don't know if it can ever be repaired.

4 comments:

~ Elly ~ said...

wow. I have nothing helpful to say, just wow. People amaze me sometimes. I hope you heal soon. (CTG)

Kirsten said...

*hugs* I don't know what else to say.

L said...

Yikes, that sucks. My grandpa didn't treat my sister and I the same as my cousin either, so I know where you're coming from a little bit. I'm sorry your aunt and uncle and cousins behaved like that. ((hugs))

(squirrel)

Megan said...

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the support.