Busted

I'm busted. I went to get a book out one of the boxes in the office today. The books I wanted were in the bottom box of course. I picked up the top box, and went to set it down on the floor. It started to slip out of my hands and instead of letting it go, I lunged forward and something in my lower back went funky. I could barely get out of the room, and I only made it as far as the hallway. I laid down on the floor for almost a half hour in pain. I've twisted things, and strained my muscles before, but this was by far some of the worst pain I've ever had. Eventually I made it down to the living room, and laid down on there floor there for a while. Every time I got up I got dizzy and lightheaded.

I was really worried that I wasn't going to be able to make it to work. There's no way I wanted to call in on my third day on the job, but driving while in pain and almost passing out didn't seem like a great idea either. After almost an hour I was able to get up and take some medication. I took a hot bath and tried to relax it as much as possible. It was enough to get dressed and go to work. And amazingly work wasn't too bad. It's still horribly painful, but I'm relaxing on the couch with a hot pack for a few hours before bed. It's just the left side of my lower back. And it feels like when my lower back is tight and it needs to crack...but sharper. That moment just before the muscles relax and the pain goes away. But this won't go away. If it's still really bad tomorrow I'll see if my mom will pay for me to go to a chiropractor, just to make sure that I didn't do any actual damage. I don't think I did, I think I just strained it, but I'd like to make sure.

New Job

Today was my first day at the new job. It went really well. It was a nice short day too, which was probably good. Since I haven't exactly had a regular schedule in the year I've been looking for jobs, jumping right into an 8-5, 40 hour a week job would have been a huge shock. I worked 3.5 hours today, and I work 6.5 hours tomorrow. And then I get Sunday off. I got my schedule for the first week, and I'll have 40 hours, so I am ridiculously relieved. It sounds like they are short staffed and really need people with a flexible schedule to fill in. And since my schedule is completely open right now, I shouldn't have any trouble getting a decent number of hours.

Unfortunately I won't get to dress quite as nicely as I hoped. It looks like I'll be wearing black pants/khakis and either a sage green polo shirt or a pale yellow cardigan sweater set. So yes. I will be dressing like a 70 year old woman who shops at Land's End. Compared to wearing my grossest jeans and an XXL hunter green polo shirt with a picture of a cow on the back like I had to wear at my last job...it's a definite improvement. And I no longer will be up to my elbows in raw ground beef. Sitting at a desk answering phones and giving directions is pretty much a dream come true.

Waiting for October

Despite the fact that it's supposed to be 90 degrees and humid today, or maybe because of it, I've been dreaming of fall. I'm a jeans and sweater kind of girl, forget the shorts and tank tops. I'd rather be taking a walk through the woods than sunbathing. I prefer hot spiced cider to ice cold lemonade. If something is pumpkin spice flavored, I'll buy it, no matter what it is. Granola bars, body butter, cat litter...I don't care. Sadly, they have yet to invent pumpkin spice scented litter, but it has to be more appetizing than the floral scent they usually use.

I've been collecting fall recipes. Cider Braised Pork Chops, Roasted Squash with Sage, Pumpkin Spice Bread. I want tweed skirts and cable knit sweaters. I bought a rusty orange suede and brown leather purse in June. I want to knit chunky warm scarves. Sip orange spice tea and curl up under a heavy blanket while I read. I want pumpkins on my front steps and gusting winds. Crisp, dry cold air and the scent of leaves. I want to enjoy spending time in the kitchen. Sprinkle nutmeg and cinnamon and swirl it through deep orange batter. I want to lean up against the warm stove and relax. I want a giant steaming bowl of squash soup with crusty rustic bread to dip into it. I want cider and doughnuts. I want to pick crisp apples off of the trees and make pots of chunky applesauce.

I want to wear my fall perfumes. I want Jack, "The scent of warm, glowing jack o'lanterns on a warm autumn night: true Halloween pumpkin, spiced with nutmeg, glowing peach and murky clove.". I want to smother myself in The Hesperides, "Their perfume is that of sturdy oak bark, dew-kissed leaves, twilight mist and crisp apple.". I want to light candles and listen to the very mellow and dark band Morphine while it drizzles rain outside.


Take your blue skies and fluffy clouds, and bring me heavy grey skies and bright colored leaves.

What I'm Reading...Books

I've still been reading a lot. I finished A Clash of Kings and tore through A Storm of Swords and A Feast for Crows. In the process I forgot that he hadn't finished the rest of them yet, and nearly cried when I found out that I was going to have to wait to keep reading. I'm not very patient, especially when it comes to books. I want more books...and I want them NOW. Obviously, the four I have read are very good, and very interesting. I won't say much more than that until I finish the series.

I also got several books at a garage sale for 10 cents each. They were in good condition and part of my favorite series. There are a series of books by Laurie R. King, she is a really good writer, and I always enjoy her books. I love historical fiction, and especially historical mysteries. But it can sort of be a dangerous genre. There are many terrible historical mysteries. Either they're poorly written, or they are romance novels in disguise. Masquerading as legitimate fiction. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against people who read romance novels, but let's be honest here, they're basically erotica. I understand that not everyone is comfortable admitting they enjoy reading about sex, but frankly I'd be more embarrassed to be out in public with a book that has a woman in a low cut bodice being mauled by a bare chested pirate than a genuine piece of erotic fiction. But that's just me. I've certainly read them, and some of them are pretty darn entertaining. But it's usually because I can't stop laughing at how cheesy they are. Like I said, no insult to people who read them, my 85 year old grandma certainly does.

Ahem. To veer wildly back on topic after my tangent there...the books by Laurie R. King are very good historical mysteries. I have read all of her Mary Russell series. The basic premise is that Sherlock Holmes has retired to the countryside of England, and he meets a young woman named Mary who he ends up taking on as an apprentice, and then a partner and eventually marries. That basic plot has some serious possibilities for hokeyness. But she's such a good writer it never falls into that. It's very believable. Mary is an intellectual match for Holmes and she bullies him into giving up the Victorian ideas that women are inferior. She's (gasp) an early feminist. The books I enjoy most usually have very strong female characters, and she's one of the best. I've read all eight of the books that are out, and when I got the books at the garage sale, they were books 1, 2, and 4. I think I now have the complete series. The first is The Beekeeper's Apprentice, the second is A Monstrous Regiment of Women, and the fourth is The Moor. I hope she comes out with a new one soon. Again with me being impatient. Definitely a series I would recommend, especially if you like mysteries.

I also read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, of course. I truly do love the books. I did my best to ignore them when they first came out. Anything so wildly popular seemed like it had to be absolute crap. But I finally gave in and read the first one, and I've been hooked ever since. I won't say anything that's a spoiler, just that I very much enjoyed the book. There was a small part I was disappointed by and that I am sad that the series is over. I actually hadn't planned on reading the book immediately. We never got around to pre-ordering, and we figured it would be impossible to get so we figured we'd wait. The Saturday after it came out we were at the grocery store and I noticed it on top of the U-Scan checkout. AND it was on sale for 40% percent off. So we grabbed it. Anthony mentioned that he'd be taking it with him when he left on his work trip that Monday, so I had to read it right away. I read for two hours the first night, and three the next morning. Yes. It took me 5 hours to read a 750 page book. Yes. I am a freak of nature. And that's why you love me, right?

Surprise!...I'm not dead!

I haven't even been that busy. We haven't done much on the house thanks to the insane heatwave. We did make a trip to Kentucky for a weekend to visit Anthony's brother, which was fun, if a bit of a whirlwind. Other than that, I've been working my butt off to find a job. And guess what? I got one! I'm not so sure that it was because of anything I did in particular, I think it was just a matter of luck. But I'll take whatever I can get.

I applied for a ridiculously large number of jobs at the local hospital a few weeks ago, and got called for an interview last Friday. I had the first interview Monday, and a second Wednesday and got the actual job offer call today. I am so ridiculously excited. Which is sort of pathetic. It's not exactly my dream job, AND I am guaranteed very few hours, but it's a job. And after almost a full year of searching, I don't care. It's basically for a position at the Information desk. It's a per diem position, so not even part time, I'm only guaranteed 8 hours of work every two weeks. But pay is 9.50/hour (and a 2% raise in November, and then raises twice yearly) which was way more than I expected. And the woman I interviewed with said that there are usually quite a few options to pick up more hours, and that I'd be eligible for any part time or full time positions as they open up. And in 6 months, eligible for other open positions at the hospital. It's a good opportunity to get my foot in the door, which would be huge.

So I'm thrilled. It's an enormous amount of stress gone, which has been really rough to deal with this past year. I feel like I'm no longer stuck in neutral and that I'm going somewhere. And being a productive member of society, and such. Hooray!!!!! Plus, I get to actually dress nicely and sit at a desk and work, which is wonderful. I was dreading having to resort to working at a fast food place. Which is a terrifying thought.

Another fabulous thing is that I just sold 20 of my photo greeting cards. There is a girl I know online who makes custom gift baskets, and she bought the cards for those. Which is unbelievably exciting, because not only do I get the money she paid me for them. But if they do well, she'll buy more. And I'll print my email address and web address on them, so if people like them, they can buy more. Speaking of web addresses. I'm starting to work on my website again. I really want to get it put together, and get business cards printed so I can actually sell my work, and try to get some photography gigs. It's not really feasible as a full time thing now, but in addition to the job at the hospital, it would be perfect. Wish me luck! It looks like things are headed in a really great direction for me, and it's such a good feeling.

R.I.P. Captain Jack

I wish I had written that title to talk about the final Pirates of the Carribean movie coming out. On Friday night, Anthony and I had to rush my rabbit, Captain Jack to the emergency vet clinic to be put to sleep. He's been sick on and off for months now with some sort of weird digestive issue. But it looked like he was finally cured. We switched brands of hay, and about a week and a half ago he stopped eating much of it. He lost quite a bit of weight in a short time, and so I switched back to the normal hay, and he seemed to be doing better. He was still really thin, and a little weak, but he was eating tons of hay and seemed happy. Friday morning we debated if we should take him to the vet anyway, just to make sure he was doing alright, but I decided to wait a few days. We left for the day and when we got back late Friday evening, he was passed out on his side nearly unconscious and he had lost all control of his digestive track.

We called our vet's office and got the number for an emergency clinic and rushed him there with me sobbing and clutching his carrier the whole way. The guy working there was a complete ASS, and had absolutely no sympathy. While I'm sure our vet would have told us basically the same thing, that it would be prohibitively expensive to find out what was wrong with him, and that it might still be incurable, and that in the meantime he would be suffering. But he would have told us politely, and been very sympathetic and caring. The guy we went to was horrible, he never said he was sorry, and he was very brusque about everything.

We decided that Jack needed to be put to sleep so we spent a little while saying goodbye to him. He was at least alert enough to respond to us, so I know he heard what we were saying and could feel us petting him. Because Jack was so sick they had to use a gas anesthetic, so we couldn't go in with him. I hated the thought of him having to die alone in a room with that horrible man, but there was nothing I could do.

We took him home, and let Squirrel see him, and say goodbye. We also let the cats say goodbye. We buried him in the backyard at the base of the lilac tree that we just planted. Anthony had to explain to the neighbors what we were doing, since they were out and looking somewhat suspicious about him digging a grave while I held a tiny bundle wrapped in a towel while I cried.

I've spent the past few days a complete mess. I'm trying not to feel guilty, and it isn't really working at all. He was only 3 and he should have lived for at least another 5-8 years. I feel like there is so much more that I could have done for him. If nothing else I wish we had taken him in Friday morning, because at least that way our vet could have put him to sleep, which would have been much much better. I've been through every stage of grief in no particular order, and currently I'm stuck at bargaining, "I'll go through the hell of last year just to have him back." And wishing that it was Squirrel instead of Jack that was gone. I love her, and she is a very sweet bunny. But Jack had so much personality. He was my baby bunny and while he was a complete pain in the ass, he was also a never ending source of amusement.



Goodbye Jack. I will miss you and your whiskery little bunny nose. I love you buddy.

Pissed Off

Well, my very good weekend took a turn for the worse. Anthony's dad is giving him a small rowboat with an outboard motor. Anthony looked in the area for a hitch to put on the Civic to haul it on a trailer when we were visiting them last weekend. Of course there were none to be had, so he ordered one from an auto parts store and it was supposed to be delivered to our house. He got a call the other day saying that there was a mistake and it had been delivered to the store. Very annoying. He's out of town for a work trip, so I went to get it today.

A guy there carried it out to the car for me, and gouged a chunk out of the bumper. It's a three year old car with almost zero scratches, so I was really annoyed. I went back in and talked to the manager about it. She wrote up a statement about what happened, and gave me a card for a body shop to get an estimate. Then she tried to tell me that they couldn't guarantee that they'd pay for it all but they'd pay for at least part of it. If it had been my car, I would have brought down my wrath and told her that they WOULD be paying for all of it, and that if they didn't we would get a lawyer involved and we certainly wouldn't be shopping at the store again. But since it's Anthony's car, I figured I would let him take care of it.

He's ferocious about negotiating and I've never seen a manager or anyone he's had to deal with not back down and do exactly what he asked for, so I'm not too concerned that it won't get taken care of. It's just ridiculously frustrating that we have to deal with it. If they had shipped it like they were supposed to, none of this would have happened.

Invisible Friends

For a few years I've been a member of an online forum. It's an unbelievably wonderful group of people. Most forums I've checked out are a complete mess. People are snarky and immature and feel the need to lash out at random people for no apparent reason. Not to mention the complete and utter lack of organization by the moderators with duplicate posting and no coherence to the threads. Obviously, I haven't checked out every forum on the internet, I am sure there thousands out there, and some of those are probably wonderful. But from what I've seen, the average one isn't really my thing.

I was completely blown away when I ran across this one. It's well moderated, everyone is expected to be polite, and if they aren't, they're nicely asked to rephrase what they said, or to find another site to join. But they're welcome to express differing opinions, and there are a lot of interesting debates. They just don't spiral into bitchy personal attacks and pointless name calling. Plus, everyone is very intelligent and interesting and manages to write in complete sentences and use proper grammar. Imagine that. You'll notice I'm not mentioning the name of the community. It's because I am a selfish bitch and want to keep it to myself. It's really wonderful to have something I can have as my very own. Well, me and a thousand other people who are members...But it's something totally separate from all of the other people in my life. There is a core group of people who are on pretty much all the time and very involved with the site. In two and a half years of being a member, I'm one of those. After real life friends like Erin, they're the first people I go to with a question, or a problem or to tell about my day. They were there for my during the hell of last summer, and sent me an amazing care package with chocolate, and bath stuff, and gift cards, and a zester and a teapot. There were wonderful cards and letters and so much support and love. It seems impossible that people who have never met in person could become so close. But despite the odds, they've become some of my closest friends.

Yesterday afternoon I got together with four of them to meet, and have lunch. They're all in the Michigan area, and we spent a whole afternoon relaxing on a deck talking. I got there at 3:30 and left at 2am. It was an instant success and they were people it seemed like I had known for years. Which I suppose is technically true that I have, but I never expected it to translate so easily from internet life, to real life. We clicked immediately and it was such an amazing feeling to be a part of it. I am just so incredibly glad I found the group and that I had the opportunity to join it. It isn't always easy to meet people in the area who are smart, and interesting and into a lot of the same things I am. I know I'm being all mushy and sappy, but I can't say enough about how wonderful all of these people are, and hope thrilled I am to be part of the community.

Why?

Because when someone asked me what I did tonight I wanted to be able to say "balanced on a deck railing while trying to unhook a 200 pound flower pot at 11:30 at night."

That or because Michigan and Mother Nature are having a bit of an argument and she decided we needed frost. In May. Bitch.

Reason Number 4,692...

I spent last week babysitting two little guys. My cousin and her husband had to go out of town for work. Amy was in Detroit, and Michael was in Mexico. I got to their house Sunday evening. We had dinner and then Amy left. Michael left at the ungodly hour of 2:30 AM. My job for the week was to get up at 7 and get the boys ready for the day. Benjamin is 6, so he goes off to school. And Jonathon is 2, so I spent the day taking care of him. And then when Benjamin is home from school, make dinner, and get them ready for bed. They're really well behaved but it was still exhausting.

If I'd ever questioned it before, I'm even more sure I'm not cut out to be a Mother. I'm just not willing to give up that much of my time. Along with 4,691 other reasons of course.

But we did have a fun week. They're smart and funny kids and I didn't really have any discipline problems. I had to come up with a few creative ideas for sharing Legos, but once that was figured out, it went really well. They both made me laugh quite a few times. I was pushing the two year old on his swingset and he said "push me up into the sky!" I think that's the best thing I've ever heard. I remember thinking that when I was little. That if someone just pushed me high enough I'd be able to fly.

Also, when he was eating lunch one day he was so tired he kept nodding off. He'd eat a bite and chew very slowly and his head would droop and he'd jerk himself awake long enough to take another bite. He looked like a little tiny drunk the way he was weaving around. After he finished lunch he slowly walked to the ottoman and passed out draped over the ottoman with his feet still on the floor. So cute. I laid him down on the couch and he slept for two full hours.

We spent a lot of time playing with Legos, and trains and plastic food. The two boys "cooked" me dinner over and over with their plastic food sets. All in all it was a good week, but I was glad to get home. If I never watch "Bob the Builder" again, I will be intensely grateful.

Public Service Announcements

I hate to be a pain, but I have two subjects I'm feeling very passionate about right now. Cats and string, and rental insurance.

Mercury has been sick for almost a month and a half. It started with her repeatedly throwing up a clear foamy liquid. We made many trips to the vet, and blood tests and x-rays couldn't prove what was wrong. We brought her home and she seemed to be doing much better. All of a sudden she stopped eating, lost a lot of weight and was very lethargic. This weekend we tried feeding her moist food in a syringe, and she kept down the first amount we gave her, but threw up the second. She also threw up several feet of thread. So on Monday we took her to the vet, and they kept her overnight. She had lost over 1/3 of her body weight. She went in for surgery Tuesday morning. It was very very bad. The vet ending up finding another 5-6 feet of thread. He said if she had been a dog, or an old cat, she wouldn't have survived. She woke up slowly from the surgery because it was a very long surgery. But she started to respond really well. We visited her for an hour or so every night this week. Every time we saw her we were amazed by how much better she was doing. I brought her home this morning and she's eating and mewing a lot and enjoying the sunshine on the porch. So, please, check out your house. Find any sort of string or thread or anything of that sort that you cat could get into. Do NOT let them play with it. Even if they've never acted interested in anything string-like at all...it's not worth the possibility of losing them, or the 2,000 dollars we spent to get her well.

My other rant involves money too. I picked Mercury up at the vet clinic this morning. I was almost home when I noticed a police car blocking off the street, and smoke. From where I was at, it could EASILY have been our house. Of course I am freaked out and starting to have a panic attack. It's several weeks shy of when the apartment burned down last year, so of course I was terrified that it's ours. I tried to stay as calm as I could and drove a street over and pulled over to the side. From there I could see that it was the house across the street and two over. But the entire block was taped off. I talked to two nice policemen who said there was no problem with me walking through and that I was welcome to stay parked in the no parking zone. That they most certainly wouldn't give me a ticket.

So I hurried Mercury through, cause I know the noise and smoke are extra stress she didn't need. I went to put my key in the door and broke down sobbing. But I got her in, and situated her in the bedroom with food and water and her bed, and clean litter. And then proceeded to have a panic attack. I am alright now though. One of my best friends, Katie, brought me lunch (including a giant chocolate chip cookie which I totally needed) and we hung out for a while. It was a huge help.

The fire was caused by faulty (meaning old) wiring. Everyone got out okay, but the critters they had didn't make it :( So sad. The neighbor's house has some melted siding and broken windows, but other than that it's ok. The house that burned down had two families in it (it was a duplex) and they lost EVERYTHING. Neither of them had any insurance though. The house is torn down already because it was so damaged, and such a safety concern. If we hadn't just had to spend so much to get Mercury well, we would help out, but there's no way we can afford it. I'd really like to, but it just isn't possible right now.

Here's my public announcement... GET RENTAL INSURANCE!!!!!!! It is NOT worth risking losing everything. It is worth giving up 10-15 dollars of your spending money to get insured. It literally doesn't cost any more than that. Anthony paid 10 dollars for 40,000 dollars worth of coverage in conjunction with his auto insurance. Give up coffeehouse lattes or a magazine subscription. It's worth it to know you're covered. I am a total pain in the ass about this, but there is absolutely zero reason for anyone to go without rental insurance. Even if you're on an incredibly tight budget already.

So, keep your cats away from string and make sure you're fully insured. They're both way more important than hopefully you'll ever realize. If you never have to use the insurance, or get surgery for your cat, then you are a lucky person. But if you don't have it, or your cat eats the string, you'll realize how important it was.

Surprise!

As per usual, Lansing is hiding all of the cool stuff. There's a market we've driven by numerous times, but we never went in. From the outside it looks fairly small, and like a green house with a farmer's market attached. It looked interesting, but not like a place where we'd actually be able to shop for groceries on a regular basis. Well...we were wrong. Someone Anthony works with mentioned it so we decided to check it out last night. I was completely blown away, it totally made grocery shopping on a Friday night worthwhile. It was incredible.

I know a lot of people find fault with Whole Foods, but I'd kill to have one in this area. I'm lucky to have a mom who goes on a semi-regular basis and brings me things from there. It's hard to compete with the quality of their fish, and they charge MUCH less for certain products. Rip on them for their prices all you want, but when you go to buy Canola Mayonnaise, are you going to spend 3 dollars on their large jar or 4.50 for the small jar at a store up here? In this area, the only health food options are whatever Meijer happens to carry, which admittedly, is getting more numerous. Or the unbelievably over-priced things at the actual health food stores. It's a struggle to eat healthy balanced meals and not spend a ridiculously large amount of money.

Horrocks to the rescue! They're a gourmet market with incredibly good prices. Every two weeks I make up a menu and we shop for the two weeks of groceries. Typically, we spend about 125-150 dollars. That does include things like toothpaste, and paper towel, and litter for the rabbits and cats. But the majority of that is spent on food. Last night, we spent 44 dollars at Horrocks. Granted, that wasn't for everything, but we got all of our produce, some of our meats (we already had some in the freezer), dairy, and a few splurges. We got really incredible gourmet salami, and marinated feta with olives. Their prices are high on canned goods, so we went to Meijer for those. At Meijer we spent almost an equal amount on canned beans and tomatoes, whole grain pasta, a few frozen veggies, whole grain bread, rice, couscous and spices . Our new shopping plan is to stock up once a month at Save a Lot on all of our canned goods. They're significantly cheaper than Meijer, and the quality is comparable. We'll go to Meijer for the few things we can't get there, like whole grain bread and pasta, toiletries, litter, etc. And all of our fresh food we'll buy at Horrocks. I'm betting we can keep our bi-weekly grocery bill (including what we get at Save a Lot) under 100 dollars, and closer to 80.

Plus, I feel much better supporting a local, independent store as much as possible. As we left Horrocks and put our bags in the trunk of the car, we found a five dollar bill on the ground and no one around to claim it. Clearly a sign that buying healthy local food is the way to go.

Menu Reviews 2

Pita Sandwiches – These were so simple to make and so delicious. Whole wheat pitas stuffed with lemon hummus, sliced cucumbers, sliced tomatoes and feta. I usually buy the pre-crumbled feta. It’s a good price, convenient and quite salty. The store was out, so I got French sheep’s milk Feta. It’s much less salty, and strong but in a different way. I will have to figure out what to do with the rest of it, besides crumbling it up in my salads. Anthony added sliced green olives to his pitas, but I usually prefer black olives to green so I decided to go without them. We the sandwiches with tomato soup (canned) which made the meal really nice and filling without being heavy. We’ll definitely make the pitas again.

Sweet Potato Soup with Miso and Ginger – A really unusual tasting soup. Most sweet potato soups taste very fall-ish, but this is a nice soup for any time of year. We had it with whole grain bread, but it would have been even better with a crusty whole grain baguette. I used ground ginger instead of fresh, because the ginger root had gone bad. Next time, I will try it with the fresh and I will replace half of the chicken stock with water to cut down on the salt. Definitely worth making again.

Spicy Ginger Pork in Lettuce Cups – I’ve been wanting to try this recipe for a while and I am glad I finally did. It was simple to make, healthy and really delicious. Next time I would add a little bit more ginger and crushed red pepper. I might try a different type of lettuce, the Boston lettuce had a tendency to rip easily, and something a little sturdier might have been easier to eat. I really liked the contrast between the warm spicy pork and cool lettuce. Sometimes I don’t like the flavor of celery, I feel like it overwhelms a dish, but this was the perfect amount and the celery and water chestnuts add a really nice crunch. It was also really good cold as a leftover the next day.

Toad in a Hole – Despite the numerous references to it, and the fact that it always looked good, we’d never gotten around to making these. On the spur of the moment, we both decided they sounded good, so we made them for breakfast. They were very quick, and simple. The whole grain bread tasted good and was nice and sturdy. We experimented with a few different sized holes in the bread, and the ones made by the small juice glasses seemed to work the best. Anthony left it nice and runny in the center. Salt and pepper added a lot to the taste of the egg, and it was best when it was added before the egg started to cook. Anthony had his with passion fruit jam which he really liked, and I had mine plain. We’ll definitely make these again and I’m sure we’ll try it with different jams and maple syrup.

Maple Roasted Chicken Thighs and Sweet Potatoes – This was such a simple recipe. It took about 35 minutes to cook, but the prep was incredibly simple. Some chicken thighs, sliced onion and chopped carrots and sweet potatoes. A little salt and pepper and maple syrup on top. It’s a small amount of maple syrup but it adds a lot of flavor. Next time I would add a little oil in the bottom of the roasting pan to keep the veggies from sticking, and I would turn down the temperature from 450 to 425 or so. It took less time than the recipe called for to cook and I think they would have cooked a little more evenly at a lower temperature. I will definitely make this recipe again.

Tuna Melt – This was a really simple recipe, just a basic tuna fish sandwich with cheddar cheese on top, and then cooked in a pan like a grilled cheese. It was really good comfort food, and quick to make. Worth making again.
Carrot Raisin Salad – Also quick and simple, although next time I might buy pre-shredded carrots instead of grating them myself. The sauce is a little bit of plain yogurt with spices and salt and pepper. The recipe called for cumin, but I added a little bit of cinnamon too. Anthony wasn’t thrilled with the recipe, but I liked it. It was the cumin he disliked, so I might try it with cinnamon (and maybe ginger) next time. I thought it went really well with the tuna melt.

Chinese Pork Noodles – I modified this recipe quite a bit. I had just made a recipe with ground pork, so I substituted small slices of pork chops. Also, it called for Napa cabbage, and I used peapods and peas. I also used soba noodles instead of the spaghetti noodles it called for. It turned out really well. The peapods were a nice texture, the pork was tender and the sauce was really flavorful. I would definitely make it again, with my variations, and the original recipe.

Italian Sloppy Joes – This recipe really came in handy the night I made it. I was really tired and my head hurt and this went together so quickly. I used lean ground beef and drained off all of the fat after I browned it. I added some bottled spaghetti sauce, a few extra herbs and topped buns with it, and a sprinkle of mozzarella cheese. I toasted the buns first, and then put them back into a warm oven to melt the cheese. Anthony really liked them and I did too. I don’t normally like “cheater” recipes that use mostly bottled sauces, I prefer to cook from scratch as much as possible. But this was really delicious and simple.

Braised Chicken with Scotch and Chutney - I halved this recipe, and it was just the right amount. I browned chicken thighs, onion and garlic in a little olive oil, and poured in the sauce ingredients, and put the skillet in the oven for a half hour. The chicken was really tender but the sauce was still really thin. I took the chicken out, and put it on a cookie sheet in the warm oven for a few minutes while I reduced the sauce on top of the stove. I topped the chicken with the sauce to serve, and it was incredibly good. It was sweet, and a little spicy and the chicken was almost falling apart tender.
Blue Cheese Greens – I served the chicken with mixed baby greens tossed with peas and green onion and a small amount of blue cheese dressing. I left the greens slightly damp from when it was washed and it helped the dressing coat the greens lightly. It was really delicious and went very well with the chicken.

Barbeque Baby Back Ribs – We didn’t have time to make a homemade barbeque sauce, so we bought Sweet Baby Ray’s, one that we knew would be really good. Anthony cut the ribs into individual pieces, and put it in a crockpot with a bottle of barbeque sauce and cooked it for 6-7 hours. It was almost falling apart when he took them out and caramelized the sauce on the grill. They turned out really well, and were tender, moist and very flavorful.
Rancho Beans – This is one of Anthony’s family recipes. It’s beans, onion, ground beef, sausage, and yellow and Dijon mustards. It cooked all day also, and is very simple. I like it, although I'm not nearly as crazy as he is.
Citrus Green Onion Coleslaw with Walnuts – Anthony wasn’t crazy about this recipe but I was really happy with it. He doesn’t particularly like coleslaw of any type, so it wasn’t a huge surprise. Instead of Napa cabbage I bought pre-shredded broccoli slaw and rainbow slaw (carrots, cabbage and broccoli). I bought two small bags, but it seemed to multiply so I think I will cut the recipe in half next time. The recipe called for shredded cucumber, but I decided against adding it. I used orange zest, plain yogurt, sour cream, apple cider vinegar, a pinch of sugar, and salt and pepper for the dressing. I added green onions, chunks of orange, and walnuts. It was light, fresh and summery tasting and much healthier than traditional coleslaw.

Gardenburgers – We needed a quick meal so we had Sundried Tomato and Basil Gardenburgers. They have a pizza sauce flavor, and go really well with a little bit of mozzarella melted on top. They’re one of my favorite quick, healthy meals. I had leftover coleslaw with it, which actually went better than I expected.

Crockpot Raspberry Chicken – I’ve been wanting to try this recipe for a while, and I am glad I did. The sauce is very simple, raspberry jam, yellow mustard and a little soy sauce, but it adds a lot of flavor. I cooked the chicken leg/thigh quarters in the crockpot with the sauce all day and they were incredibly tender. The sauce wasn’t very appetizing looking though, and neither was the chicken, so Anthony put the chicken on the grill for a few minutes and I made up a second batch of the sauce. He basted it on the chicken and it was absolutely fantastic that way. I loved the sauce, and the combined crockpot cooking and grilling was wonderful, but I don’t think I’d ever serve it straight out of the crockpot.
Wild Rice – I served the chicken with wild rice. The flavors went really well together. I added a bit of salt and a small pat of butter to the rice, and it really added depth to the flavor.

Patrick

This is going to be sort of an odd post, but apparently it's something that's really been bugging me since I've had a couple of dreams about it.

Seven years ago I met Patrick. We dated for a little while and were officially in a serious relationship for eight months. It ended, and not particularily well. But we later got to be friends again. He had a habit of disappearing occasionally, but we reconnected the fall after I met Anthony, and we had dinner and hung out and talked and watched a movie. It was really nice to be able to talk to him and I really thought that we were going to stay in contact. But he disappeared again without a trace. I emailed him a few times, and called, but he never answered the emails and his phone number had been changed. The phone number wasn't so much of a surprise, I've never seen anyone change their phone more often than he did, but it really made me sad. I've been hoping he'll somehow reappear; without any luck.

Last month Anthony and I went to go see Macbeth at MeadowBrook Theater with my parents. On the drive home we stopped to get gas. Anthony went in to get water, and two guys came out and got in a truck. The truck backed up in front of me, and then paused. I stared at the driver, and he stared back at me. It felt like an electric shock and being kicked in the chest. Every tiny part of me KNEW that was Patrick. I sat there, stunned, and DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I didn't wave, I didn't smile, I didn't get out of the car and run over to the truck. I was completely frozen and I don't know why. All it would have taken was for me to do something, anything...and I would have known. Sure, I would have been a little embarrassed if it hadn't been him, but I would have survived it. And it was at a nice, clean, well-lit gas station with my boyfriend 20 yards away, it would have been safe enough. Instead...I sat there with my mouth open and did nothing. I let the truck drive away and now I'll never know.

And since, I've been dreaming about him. No, get your minds out of the gutter...not that kind of dreaming. Dreams where we have a mutual friend who gets us in contact again, or we somehow stumble across each other. Dreams where I'm smart enough to do something. I had another one last night, and I'll never forget how elated I was. I was so unbelievably happy to be talking to him again, and when I woke up, how disappointed that it wasn't true. I do have one way I could possibly get ahold of him. His sister is rather well known in the fashion industry in New York and an author, and I could contact her. But I only met her once, and since I'm not actually a crazed stalker, I wouldn't ever do it. But it's so tempting.

I'm sure some people think I'm insane. How could I possibly care so much about some random ex from forever ago. Well, I do. It's as simple as that. I care deeply about all of my friends. Call it crazy, or blame it on the fact that I'm an only child. But I would walk through fire for any of my friends. And despite, well everything, Patrick was a friend too. And I can't just stop caring about someone I loved so deeply. This isn't some weird relationship issue I can't get over. Or a longing for a past boyfriend. I don't want to dredge up our past and understand what went wrong. I've already been through that. I don't need the past boyfriend, I need the friend. So if you're out there Patrick, whatever your reasons for disappearing again, don't let them stop you from getting back in contact with me. I miss you.

Kitty Pictures

Mercury

Ra

I thought I'd put up a few new pictures of my adorable kitties. Hopefully I'll be able to take some new ones of the bunnies soon too, now that Jack is feeling better.

What I've Been Reading...Books!

Since I have the tendency to go through books at an alarming rate, I am always borrowing ones from Erin. Most recently she got me started on the George R.R. Martin series, A Song of Ice and Fire. It was a little mind boggling at first thanks to the 9 million characters. I spent the first 50 pages of the first book, A Game of Thrones, going "wait...who the hell is that??". It doesn't help that each chapter is from a different character's perspective and that there are several characters with similar sounding names.

I was complaining about it to a friend who is also reading the books and said, "you know it would really help if they had some sort of chart or detailed descriptions in the back explaining all of this..." He said, "oh, mine does, but I have a hardcover, maybe the paperback is different.." so I complained some more about the fact that the paperback readers got shafted. Three days later the book happened to fall open to a page near the back that had pages and pages of descriptions of EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER IN THE BOOK. Um, yeah.

Note to self: next time, don't just look at the very last page in the book. It might just be the chapter from the next book in the series. But before that, there might be an entire appendix explaining all of the characters just to make you look like an idiot.

I borrowed the first three books from Erin a few months ago, and I am almost done with the second, A Clash of Kings. I don't read nearly as much as I used to, but Monday nights and Saturday mornings have become my reading times. On Monday nights Anthony likes to do this terrible thing to torture me. Something that makes me question why in the hell I ever wanted to date him in the first place. He likes STAR TREK. (shudders) And not even the old cheesy ones with Patrick Stewart, a man who manages to bring a bit of class to even the dorkiness that is Star Trek. Anthony is such a big geek that he watches the new Star Trek. Oh the horror. Since I actually do like him for some strange reason, and throttling him with my bare hands or throwing heavy objects through his large and expensive TV in a Star Trek induced rage aren't really good options...

I escape upstairs to the bedroom to read on the bed and snuggle one of the cats. Or to the bathroom where I draw a nice bubble bath, light a few candles and drink tea while I read. Usually also accompanied by a cat dipping his paws into the water and shaking them off, in order to fling as much water as possible all over the bathroom. The most recent bath also involved Ra climbing onto the few square inches of my chest that weren't submerged in the water and balancing there for no apparent reason. And people wonder why I don't want children. All I have to say is there is no way I am willing to give up my uninterrupted reading and bath time. The cat can always be locked out of the bathroom and left to fend for himself.

On Saturday mornings I get up at my usual time (9am) and come downstairs to curl up on the couch to read for an hour or so while Anthony sleeps in. Once it's finally warm out I will probably go out to the screened in porch, or the deck or the balcony off the bedroom to read. We don't have a single bit of furniture for any of those spaces yet. But I do having a hanging basket chair at my parents' house that will probably go on the porch. Eventually all three places will be nice little retreats for me to read on. I have a vision in my head of the porch with linen curtains billowing in a breeze and the basket chair with a comfy cushion to curl up in while I drink iced tea and listen to the splashing of my fountain. I want to sit on the balcony at a bistro table sipping coffee made in my French Press while I read. I want to lay on a nice fluffy beach towel on the deck reading for a few hours, moving only to stay out of the sun. After all, what self respecting bookworm like myself would be caught dead tanning. I like my pasty whiteness thankyouverymuch. After all, the light reflecting onto the pages from my face make it SO much easier to read...

What I've Been Watching...Movies

Movies: In the past few weeks we've actually seen quite a few movies. Either rented or on tv.

Munich: I had heard a lot of great things about this movie, but hadn't quite been in the right mood to watch it. I am glad I did though. It was definitely worth it. It was sad, and wonderful at the same time, and nearly impossible to describe. Despite being a Spielberg movie, it didn't really feel like one. It was more simple, and much less showy than I would have expected.

All the King's Men: This was an interesting movie. I'm glad I saw it, and it was good. But I can't exactly say that I enjoyed it. I don't exactly know how to describe how I feel about it, other than it left me with a feeling of "huh...".

The Pursuit of Happyness: I really enjoyed this. Will Smith was incredible, and so was his son. It was well written, and well acted, and one of the few movies that I'd ever describe as being touching. And it was all done without being cheesy. Which is nothing short of miraculous. Movies that get promoted as being heartwarming and uplifting usually bore me to tears and end up being trite and overdone. I was incredibly surprised by how well the story was put together. It was a really worthwhile movie.

Children of Men: I really wanted to enjoy this movie, but I was disappointed. It wasn't bad. And I'm not sorry I saw it, but it seemed like there was so much more they could have done with it. I expected more to the story than what they showed. I wanted more back story about how the infertility began. And for them to take the story further at the end and explain why it suddenly ended. I think I was expecting a story more like 1984 or Brave New World. I expected it to be about government control and how it was overthrown. Maybe if I hadn't gone into it expecting that I would have been less disappointed.

Inside Man: This movie was better than I expected. I was expecting a basic action flick and it was much much more entertaining than that. It was also really funny, which I hadn't thought it would be at all. It was an Ocean's Eleven heist plot twist type movie. Definitely worth seeing, and something I'd actually want to watch again.

Capote: I'd been wanting to see this movie for a while too. It was a very low key serious movie. And fairly straight forward. But it was well made, and interesting to watch. I had read In Cold Blood a few years ago, so that really helped to have more of the backstory. But Anthony had never seen it before and he still enjoyed it.

Quiz

I don't usually fill out these quizzes, but I was bored...so here goes.

1. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to?
I haven't in a while, but I did for many years after, and I'm sure I will again.

2. Is it harder to be rejected or to reject someone?
To be honest, I'm almost always the one doing the rejecting.

3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
Well, two of my favorite songs were "Digging in the Dirt" by Peter Gabriel, and "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.

4. What is the best thing about your current job?
Since my current job is looking for a job...probably that I have very flexible hours and get to play with the cats while I do it.

5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was a required class?
Oh yes.

6. What's the last thing you drank?
Peach Chai Spice Iced Tea.

7. Have you been on a date in the past week?
If you count Anthony and I vacuuming out the car this afternoon...

8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
I don't really have anything planned, but I hope to go camping this summer.

9. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
Nope.

10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Old. They're all over 85.

11. Have you ever gotten so wasted you didn't know what was going on?
Yes, yes I have.

12. Do you like pulp-y orange juice?
Absolutely, the more pulp the better.

13. Are you touchy feely?
Yes. I like physical contact. Although I don't feel the need to touch strangers or casual acquaintances.

14. Did you cry at your high school graduation?
God no, I just wanted to be gone.

15. Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun?
Neither. I am reflectively pale and I prefer it that way.

16. What are two of your favorite places to eat?
Ukai (a sushi/Japanese Steakhouse) and Mediterran (a small place with a random mix of middle European dishes)

17. What could you tolerate...someone who snores or a sleep walker?
Snoring bugs the hell out of me so I would much prefer a sleep walker.

18. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
Nope, just occasionally cranky.

19. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
My nickname. Because apparently I was too dumb to realize that it could also be interpreted as Vampire's Ass.

20. What's your worst personality flaw?
The fact that I let minor setbacks really throw me off. And that sometimes that stops me from getting where I want to be in life.

22. Would you ever parachute off of a plane?
Absolutely, with the right training.

23. Have you ever ridden an elephant?
Nope, but I think it would be awesome.

24. Are you Irish in any way?
Not that I'm aware of.

25. Have you ever ridden in a U-Haul?
Can't say that I have.

26. Do you like to play Scrabble?
Yes. My grandma and I used to play all of the time.

27. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
Not one that was SUPPOSED to be nude. ;)

28. Have you ever drank Jack Daniels?
Yes, although I'm not a fan.

29. Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Yes.

30. What are you saving your money up for right now?
(sighs) what money?

31. What was the last giftcard you received?
Target, in my Easter basket. I love my aunt and cousins.

32. Who do you like right now?
Anyone who will give me a job.

33. Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your opinion of him or her?
Not particularly, although their reasons might.

34. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only straight person?
No, but I'm not straight...

35. What do you do when you spot a bug in your house?
Usually just ignore it. Or send it outside.

36. What is your favorite Disney movie?
As humiliating as this is, I have to say "Beauty and the Beast"

37. Where were you 1 hour ago?
On the couch drooling over Jonathan Rhys Meyer in "The Tudors".

38. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Either my parents or Anthony.

39.What was the last thing that really made you smile ?
Probably the most recent idiotic thing the cat was doing.

Menu Reviews

I haven't done any menu reviews lately, but I thought I would try it out again. I've been planning out menus for about two weeks so we don't have to shop every week. I've been trying to eat healthy as much as possible. I refuse to have baked chicken and brown rice every day for dinner though, so I am eating really healthy breakfasts and lunches and being a little more relaxed about dinner. I still aim for dinners to be under 500 calories, but most of them are more like 300-400. I don't feel deprived at all, and I get to enjoy lots of interesting dinners. As always, if you want a recipe, be sure to leave a comment and I'll get it to you.

Sesame Pork Strips - The pork strips were FANTASTIC. Small strips of pork with a crunchy sesame coating. Cook for a little less time in the future. I served it with honey mustard dipping sauce. It wasn't a quick recipe, but it wasn't terribly time consuming. Definitely make again. We had an impromptu dinner guest, Anthony's friend Trevor, and he really liked them also.
Malaysian Cucumber Salad – I decided not to go with that recipe because it needed time to marinate. I substituted vinegar and sour cream cucumbers. Simple, but it went really well with the pork.

Black Bean, Spinach and Mushroom Burritos – Lots of veggies with a little bit of Monterey Jack cheese and sour cream. Delicious and very healthy. I forgot the enchilada sauce, and I really enjoyed it without. Anthony had seconds and tried it with the sauce, he preferred it that way. But it can easily be made either way. Make again!

Creamy Pesto Fish – Very simple and delicious. Fish baked with a pesto sauce and grape tomatoes. Definitely make again. I don't remember if we served it with rice or quinoa or a salad.

Roast Chicken – I didn't really have a recipe for this I just took a chicken and stuffed it with fresh rosemary and onion. Very delicious.
Squash and Mixed Greens - Basic frozen squash with a little butter and salt and pepper. We had mixed greens with dressing. Both went very well with the roast chicken.

Beef and Broccoli – Delicious. Moderately time consuming, but worth doing. Served on top of brown rice.

Chicken and Wild Rice Soup – I had originally planned on making the soup with wild rice but realized I was out. I changed it to Chicken and Barley Soup. I used the leftover roasted chicken carcass and added frozen mixed vegetables and some fresh ones. Very healthy and delicious.

Bean and Bacon Soup (Computer) – Delicious but really unusual. I was out of canned tomato but it was good without. I will try it with tomato the next time I make it. It's a slightly sweet and spicy soup. I need to reduce the chili powder a small amount and increase amount of bacon though and it will be perfect.

Feta Chicken– Anthony invented this recipe and it was amazing. He sautéed chicken with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, garlic, Chinese 5 Spice Powder, cinnamon and basil. Once the chicken was cooked, he deglazed the pan with water. He cooked spaghetti with fresh rosemary. Drained the noodles and added feta and sliced black olives, tossed it, and served it with chicken on top. He sprinkled it with olives and feta and drizzled it with the remaining sauce.

Split Pea Soup with Ham - We had leftover ham and ham bones from Easter. I made a ham stock one day, and then the next day I added the split peas to the boiling ham stock. I let it cook for a few hours. I think next time I'll cook it a little more slowly, because it cooked down more than I'd like. I added carrots near the end, and then the ham. I had plenty to freeze.

Struggling

I won't go into every last detail about why this has been a horrible week for me. Suffice it to say a chronically sick cat, lack of a job and other factors conspired to cause a minor meltdown. Every so often I have a day where I feel like I can't go on. That every last small thing is adding up to create something more than I can handle. It doesn't happen very often, and I always get through it, but sometimes the day is just too much.

In a lot of ways I feel like everything we dealt with this summer used up the reserves I have. The extra strength to push myself through it and say "I can deal with this." Three months of having to do that EVERY SINGLE DAY wore me out. I'm tired. Deep down in my soul tired. Tired of having to spend every day struggling to make it to the next. Tired of feeling like it was never going to get better. And resentful. Resentful that I was forced to deal with it. It wasn't fair. And that makes me angry. I can handle it when I was the one who screwed up. If I can take responsibility for something, I can move on. If I caused it, I can fix it. But when it feels like the universe is out to get me, there's nothing I can do. I struggle and struggle and get nowhere. I hate feeling useless and ineffectual. Feeling like that for months wears you down

This week was a very similar feeling. Mercury is sick, and there is nothing we can do. The vet has no idea what's wrong, we've tried everything we can, and it isn't working. I've cried so many times looking at her and wishing so desperately that she could just talk. That she could tell me what was wrong so I could fix it. I would do almost anything to get her well, but I don't know how. I'm struggling and struggling to find a job and getting nowhere. My parents have been helping me out but they can't do that forever. I understand that, but at the same time it's very frustrating. I don't want to have to rely on Anthony. I don't want to put that strain on our relationship. I want to be able to take care of myself damn it. But there are no jobs. And I don't know what to do.

I'll keep struggling on, and today it's easier than it was a few days ago. But sometimes I wonder, how long can I keep doing this? How long can I go before I just can't do it anymore? Will there be a point where I just give up?